in issue nine: humor
Scintillations
Hair Dye Hell
Morning Glory
Made With Extra Love
My
Father's Legacy
It's A Gift
Toe Job
Need
A Laugh?
Cleaning Day
Letters to
My
Younger Self
Moody Girl
photography
Beach
Foot
Leaf
Gnome
Picnic
Tables
Flower Circus
Yellow
Bikes
poetry
Jellyfish
artwork
Cover: El
Grillo
Falling In Love
workshops
Play With Your Words
@ 826 Valencia - 1/11
Play With Your Words
Magic Money
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Issue Ten:
Free Write
Issue Eleven: Play
Really, since the start of this whole humor issue,
I've been feeling decidedly humorless.
But then, inspiration struck while assembling the web
pages of this issue with my trusty co-creator. I realized
something humorous has happened in my vicinity.
I met a boy. Now
that in itself isn't especially humorous, except the day I met
him he arrived at my door wearing a woodland fairy costume.
Now granted, it was Halloween, and I live in San
Francisco, and it’s not odd that someone would dress as a
fairy for Halloween in San Francisco.
Still, for my property manager to arrive wearing a
multi-color tutu over a brown shirt, brown thermal underwear
bottoms, and brown boots, was a bit strange.
He left his wings in the car, but wings or no wings, he
was a fairy, without a doubt.
What was quite funny was that I expected him to
arrive dressed as a fairy.
He had told me on the phone earlier that day that he was
dressed for his office Halloween party.
But it was amusing that the property manager for my
flat arrived in costume to negotiate the rent reduction I
requested. He
came over that day to tell me that pigs would be flying before
he'd give it to me. He
intended to be a mean fairy.
When I
called him to get my rent reduced he had been nice and
friendly, with a sense of humor I admired right away.
He was nice enough for me to think "Hmm, he would
make a good friend, but I wonder if he's straight or
gay." In
this city, this is pretty much the standard line of
questioning straight women follow when meeting a new guy.
So when I met him, ala fairy costume, I really got to
wondering whether he was straight or gay.
But it didn't matter, I wasn't interested in him.
So
the woodland fairy entered, looked around my apartment, sat on
my couch, and before he brought up the rent reduction, I
decided to hit him with the best defense - the truth. "Look," I told him, "I love my place.
I know I have a great place.
But if I don't ask for a rent reduction, I'm
certainly not going to get it." He wouldn’t look me in the eye.
He said he wasn't sure, he'd have to check with the
owner and get back to me.
“Great,” I responded, and we moved on to unrelated
topics until it was time for the woodland fairy to fly away.
I was certain he would make a good friend, straight or
gay, so while walking out I invited him to join me at the
Castro Halloween block party that night.
After all, he was already dressed for it.
He cleared up the mystery of his sexual preference
about two seconds after he arrived that night.
If I had paid attention, I would have known this meant
he liked me. But
I didn’t notice even when he was getting jealous of gay and
straight men staring at me in my fairy costume.
I started to wonder though when he picked up my hand
and looked intently at my palm.
“Do you read palms?” I asked him.
He paused and said, “No, I just wanted to hold your
hand.” And I
guessed he liked me when he asked me to dinner – for the
next night. And
then I really, really knew, when he kissed me in the middle of
a crowd of people on Castro Street, and didn’t let go of my
hand the rest of the walk home.
So now I'm dating Mr. Woodland Fairy, and yes, I did
get that rent reduction.
Are you ready for this issue, treasured readers and writers? We're finally ready to get it to you. Thanks again for your support and we'll be back again in a few months.
much love & gratitude,
Julie
Russell
Co-creator
Be Real Magazine
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