in issue eight
Scintillations
Surf’s Up
A Right to the Left
Hooray Soleil
The Power of Letting Go
Fuzzy Alien Antennae
Storms and Silence
Incredible Shrinking Woman
Apologizing to Mandy
Sex in the Outback
Dream Interpretation
Moody Girl
Younger Self
Single (again)
photography
Meditation
Single Sunflower
Porch
Park Feet
Smith Doors
Subway Guy
poetry
Courage
Fear
Change
Revelations
My Illusion
artwork
Dancing Star Girl
Noire
Nude on the Side
workshops
Play With
Your Words
Writing Workshop
Magic Money
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Issue Nine: Humor
Issue Ten: Free Write
Julie Russell
I
have a note taped to the inside of my bathroom cabinet.
It reads:
Be in your power.
I was a little embarrassed to have this hanging around with a
new guy in my life, who just might be opening my bathroom
cabinet, innocently looking for Kleenex, so I moved it back
further into the cabinet. But I still know it's there.
"Be in my power."
What does this mean?
And why did I want to hide this simple little note?
I guess I don't want him to know I'm not always
powerful, and that I'm human and need reminders.
I'm successful, I'm accomplished, I like the way I look
naked (well, 75% of the time), so why is this reminder even
necessary? Because
I forget. Because
doubts still creep in like ants smelling that one abandoned
cupcake crumb, one doubt comes in first, slowly, curiously,
then suddenly a flood of them appear, and there's no escape.
Well there is an escape.
The escape is in seeing this note.
And then figuring out what, out of my self-esteem
boosting artillery, I'm going to use to battle those doubts.
First, I take an observer's view of my strengths. What's good about Julie?
If I was some normal person on the outside (as opposed
to the neurotic one on the inside), taking a
fresh look at myself, what would I see?
This is usually when I tell my fierce inner voices to
SHUT THE FUCK UP so I can be objective.
Sometimes I look in the mirror, sometimes I shut my
eyes. Then I tell
myself what I would want someone else to tell me:
"You're beautiful, you're smart, you're funny, you're
compassionate, you're generous, you're ..."
And I just let the list rattle on until that angry
voice subsides. Sometimes
it's a struggle to find new things to add to the list because
the old list starts to loose it's impact.
At any moment I can see what I don't like about myself, and
sink into that dismal abyss of low self esteem, or I can stop
being stingy and acknowledge what is good about me.
There is nothing conceited about this.
It's a tool I use to keep out of that abyss, just like
I'd use a screwdriver to tighten a loose screw.
And after I acknowledge what I like in me, then I have space
to authentically acknowledge others.
I think these are the keys to unconditional love.
And unconditionally loving myself - exactly the way I
am and exactly the way I'm NOT - is the ultimate power.
There is so much to say about power and there is so much our contributors had to say about power for this issue. Power isn't rare and fleeting, power isn't power over others in a manipulative struggle-fest. Power is courage, power is in saying what you have to say despite your fear.
And I'm happy to say that this issue has come together with ease and grace, just the way I hoped it would when we completed the last issue. Of course it's because I got myself out of the way and let people contribute to Be Real Magazine! It's amazing how well things work when I let people help! Perhaps accepting help is part of power also?
Muchas gracias and merci beau coup to our editors, our contributors, our photographers, our new artists, and you, our readers! You are amazing. I am grateful.
much love,
Julie Russell
Co-Creator
Be Real Magazine
Be Real Magazine | P.O. Box 26606 | San Francisco, CA 94126
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