Skydiving To Save My Life

I decided I had to jump out of a plane – otherwise I would DIE. I was at 18,000 feet with my heart pounding, hands sweating, and fear that I had never felt before. I needed to see the world on another plane, where the angels watch over us. I needed to feel the freedom of falling towards the earth at 120 miles per hour. That no one could touch or hurt me there. No one could tell me what to do or not to do. I couldn’t be a failure at that height – hell, I was ABOVE everyone!

So, I jumped to save my life. Literally. I came to a point in my life where the past was more important than the present or the future…and that should never be. I believe happiness is the ability to accept the past, be content with the present, and optimistic about the future. Well, my present life was wrecked with medical complications from having a stroke and being raped. My past was loaded with abusive issues – and aren’t they fun to conquer! The mere thought of even having to live in the future scared me into believing that I should end my life to end any future pain (just in case something else awful were to happen - like taking an Advil just in case I got a headache). Funny how you think when your mind is a little on the saucy side.

So, I’m falling and I realize how SMALL the world really is. I realize how insignificant one person really is at that height. And in my mind, I tried to visualize my abuser like the size of an ant – and it was quite funny actually. I was so HUGE and he was so powerless for the first time in my life. For the first time, I was in control. He couldn’t overpower me. I was on top of the world and nothing could touch me.

Whenever I start to feel like the world is getting too big for me or that I’d like to check out – I step out of that plane and MAKE myself realize how each of us IS an important piece of this beautiful world. How each person touches the next, which causes endless dominoes to fall…and what if I were to take myself out of that equation? What if that caused harm to someone haphazardly? So, now I jump. I release my fears while I sing with the angels at 18,000 feet above anyone that could ever hurt me.

And when I land, I am more accepting of that tiny ant who hurt me. I am certainly more content and happy with the present and more optimistic about my future in this beautiful place we call earth that I had the opportunity to view from the heavens.