Stuck With A Flat 
& How To Change A Wounded Tire
by Julie Russell Beebe

My faithful Nissan had a wounded paw.  Her rear passenger tire was completely flat, leaving me stuck after my three week trip to Europe.  I pondered what a flat tire could signify - since the state of our cars can reflect the state of our minds.  I mentioned it to my friend Kristin; she immediately responded:  "You’re stuck," she said, "if your tire is flat something is keeping you from moving." 

I really hate it when reason smacks you across the face like a tree branch you didn't see.

Then, of course, I had to recognize I was feeling a bit stuck.  I was struggling with learning Adobe Illustrator, the program that I needed to create the artwork for the magazine.  I was also stuck in feeling non-artistic.  Ironically after traveling to 15 European cities in 3 weeks, I was stuck once I got home.

My husband, Bill, was away all weekend and I just kept putting off changing the tire with the hope that he would do it for me.  Maybe he would also get me unstuck from Illustrator and enable me to create Michelangelo-like masterpieces.  One could hope.  It wasn’t like I couldn’t fix the tire.  I had changed a couple flat tires on my car before, by myself, to prove that I was capable of doing it – but that wasn't the point.  I really, really didn't want to.  I guess deep down I wanted to feel stuck.  Plus, it's a pain in the ass.  You get dirty; you sweat; you feel like you have no idea what you're doing; and you hope some nice man walks by and volunteers to help.   And then if one did, I know I would struggle with letting him help or flinging him off in a puff of independence with "I'm doing okay, thanks."

I left my little Nissan dirty, abandoned, and stranded in the street.  I used Bill's vehicle to get freedom but I was still stuck.

Bill returned late Sunday night, and I asked, unfairly, as he's about to leave for work Monday morning, if he would help me change my tire that evening.  "You've been driving my car all weekend?"  A dump truck drove by and poured guilt all over me.  "Only if it's not going to get me in trouble?" I responded submissively.  I don't think he minded that I drove his car, except that it wasn't registered and he didn't want me to get pulled over.  After he left for work, I realized I had an hour before I needed to leave and it was up to me to change the tire.  It was up to me to get myself un-stuck.

I knew I could do it.  As I mentioned, I had done it a couple times before.  After the first time when it took weeks to get the grease stains off my hands and I cut my finger with a screwdriver, I knew gloves were a good idea.  Big rubber kitchen gloves that live under my kitchen sink. 

I pulled out the car repair book - the page was book marked with grease stains from previous flat tire incidents.  I found the jack and tools included with the car - as well as the big screwdriver that had been useful the last time I had to do this.  I drove my car onto the level surface of my garage –you do not want to do this on a slope!  I was annoyed, stomping around finding this, picking up that, annoyed because a girl shouldn't have to fix a flat tire.  But there I was, with a friend to meet in an hour, feeling quite stuck in the situation.  Feeling stuck is grumpy business. 

Now on to the "how to" part of the story:  how to actually change your own tire, especially if you have indistinct upper body muscles.

First, read through the book to identify what tools your car comes with and become aware of where you are supposed to put the jack.  This depends entirely on which tire is flat.  On my car you put the jack right next to that tire and locate nearly invisible notches nearby.  You line up the top of the jack with the notch so that when it is actually lifting up your car, this is where it will touch.  This is important because once when I attempted to repair the flat tire on my previous car (my boyfriend at the time rescued me from that one) I ended up ripping the bumper a bit because I didn't know about the notches.  Hopefully the new owner of that car isn't reading this.

The manual that comes with your car will most certainly irritate you with it's over simplification of the situation, but it still serves as a good reference to find the tools and notch on your car.

The things it doesn't tell you:
It is impossible to take the lug nuts off if you are pushing down on the wrench with  your hands if you don’t bench press 400 pounds on a daily basis. 
You do not have to use your hands to push down on the wrench.
Prepare to get dirty.
The time of day is very relevant; so is your present location.  It is a far different situation If you are in front of your house in daylight, than if it you’re in a scary part of town at midnight.  In the second case, I wouldn't even attempt to change the tire; I would either drive on it and permanently damage the tire or call for help and lock myself in the car.
If you are wearing your nicest suit and shoes, you will definitely ruin them.
If you have shiny alloy wheels you will probably scratch them.

Make sure you have located and laid out all of the tools the book says you need.  If you have a  towel in your trunk get that out and put it on the ground in front of the wounded tire so your knees aren’t on asphalt.  Apologize to the tire and car and tell it you’ll have it feeling better soon.  I am not certain this helps the car but it helps me.

If you have one, remove the wheel cover.  I use the flat end of the screwdriver and pry it open like the top of a home-made jar of jam.  You will now come face to face with the dirt.  If you have alloy wheels you might scratch them shortly.

Make sure your parking brake is on! 

You'll see a circle of nuts and bolts - the nuts are called "lug nuts" and I have no idea what the bolts are called.  The task at hand is to loosen - but not remove - the lug nuts.  Take out the "wheel nut wrench" which has one end that fits nicely on the lug nuts.  Just for fun you can try to turn the lug nut with the wrench by hand.  This is the irony of the situation:  it is impossible for a woman who does not compete in body building contests to do this by hand.  Fortunately, I have a trick up my sleeve:  you can STAND on the wrench to loosen the lug nuts!

Contemplate this for half a second:  if you try to turn this by hand, you can apply, at best, 60-70 pounds of pressure with your arms and back.  This will please neither your back, nor your arms, considering that the lug nuts were last tightened with an air wrench at 80-90 pounds of pressure.  However, if you STAND on it, you are applying your full body weight, which even in my case at 115 pounds, there is hope.  Be grateful that you didn't start that diet yet.

You'll want to put the wrench on the lug nut so that the arm of the wrench is near parallel to the floor.  Remember the annoying saying: “Leftie loosie, righty tighty.”  To loosen the nut, you want to turn the LEFT, or counter-clockwise.  Once you're sure the wrench is on, stand on it using the car for balance.  Be especially careful if you’re not on level ground.  This is not going to be easy in heels, but I don't recommend removing your shoes - even if they're $300 Guccis.  Bounce on it slightly.  You should feel the lug nut loosen slightly and the wrench will approach the ground.  YES!  Congratulate yourself slightly.  Do this a couple more times on the same lug nut, until you can take it off the rest of the way by hand.  Leave it hanging like a button dangling by a couple of threads.  You don’t want to take it off completely yet!

Next, do the same thing to the lug nut directly across from the first one, until it is loose enough to be taken off by hand.  Then pick one of the others, and finally the last one.  Definitely congratulate yourself!

It's time to elevate the car and bring it closer to God.  The tools you need: the jack and the screwdriver or the  non-screwdriver pole that came with the jack.  Remember that notch you read about in the book?  Now is when you need to find it.

Before you put the jack under the notch, if you have a jack like mine that winds up, wind it up by hand as much as possible before you put it under the car.  This is also not in the book.  Once it's up far enough to just fit under the car into the notch, then put it under the car.  If your jack has a hole in the part you turn, grab that big screwdriver, or the metal bar they may have included, and put it in the hole.  You'll want to turn it until the wheel is just off the ground.  I hope at this point you have a small car and this isn't hard.  Keep watching the ground as there is no point doing more work than necessary.

When you can see a sliver of light under your tire, stop jacking.  Make sure you still have those gloves on, if you have them, and take the lug nuts off the rest of the way by hand.  You can then remove the tire.  If you are wearing white, you will probably get dirty.  If you are wearing old, stained clothes, you probably won't.

At this point you will be faced with one of two options:
1.         you have to put the motorcycle sized "space saver" spare tire on your car; or,
2.         you can put your wounded tire in another car and drive down to be fixed.

In my most recent case, I was able to do option #2, but in all previous situations, I was faced with #1.

I'm going to assume you're faced with the space saver spare tire.  I am praying yours has more air than the tire you just removed, and if you ever find yourself at Target in the Automotive section, I recommend getting a can of air you can use to inflate your tire.  I've never done this personally since I never find myself in the auto section of Target, but I've always thought it was a good idea.

Putting the tire on is nearly the reverse of taking the old one off.  I am sure in some part of the world this could be considered tire-meditation because of the redundant thought-inspiring action involved.  You'll want to line up the holes in the wheel with the big bolts sticking out.  Then put it on.  This is slightly less difficult than threading a needle and will take more time than you imagine.  Once it's on, put the lug nuts on and tighten as much as possible by hand.  You'll need to push the wheel back onto the bolts to do this.  I know it's dirty, but it's much easier than the wrench and I cannot guarantee you won’t break a nail.  When all of the lug nuts are on, slowly jack the car down until the tire is touching the ground but not fully supporting the car.  Now you're going to use Julie's standing trick to get the lug nuts tight. 

Put the wrench on one of the lug nuts, and remember this time you want to turn to the right, or clockwise.  Tighten all of the lug nuts about halfway, doing one, then the opposite, then another, then its opposite.  Then start all over with the first one.  I was told to use this method by a cousin or a boyfriend years ago and cannot remember why.  It was a good sounding reason, though.  Once the lug nuts don't seem to be turning anymore, bring the car all the way down so that it is fully depending on the tire.  Try to turn them all one more time, bouncing a little on the wrench-arm while holding onto the car.  If they flatly refuse to turn; congratulations!  You've finished this part!

Now you bring the wounded tire to the shop to get fixed.  I found a silver nail head gleaming in my otherwise black tire but have no concerns - they have a method of finding out where the hole is:  a bottle of dish soap and water squirted liberally over the tire.  Where they see bubbles forming on the surface of tire is the location of the hole.  So once the intimidating mechanic finds the puncture wound he will probably pump the tire full of air.  I wish I could assume that the mechanic wouldn’t be male, but that’s all I’ve seen so I’m not going to be politically correct.  I am not sure why they do this before they fix the hole, as I would expect more air to leak out, but I’ve never had the nerve to ask.  If you do – let me know.  After my tire was full of air again, he ripped the offending screw out with pliers.  I asked him to bet me that the screw was the problem.  He said “I wouldn’t take that bet” and it took me a minute to figure out what he meant.  Then he threaded a wood handled needle looking thing  with something that looked like tar and jammed it into the gaping hole left by the screw.  Magic!  This instantly sealed up the hole.

I then paid some other man $10, who didn’t even smile at my feeble joke about paying to repair a wounded paw.  If you’re in this situation you may want to know I haven’t paid more than $30 to repair my tire before.

If you have driven your car to the service station and it is currently wearing the space saver spare, I highly recommend asking the mechanic to put the big tire back on your car.  You’ve proven yourself already and there is no need to work more than necessary.  They have big jacks and air wrenches that make their jobs easier and require little effort on their parts. 

As for me, I drove the repaired tire back up the hill and put it back on my car solo.  I managed to get to my friend’s house on time and spent the following afternoon creating art in Illustrator.  Fabulously unstuck.

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Copyright © 2000 Be Real Magazine. All rights reserved.
Revised: February 26, 2001